# Transcript: Boundaries, communication and relationships in the context of a coarsening society ## Description How can boundaries, communication, and relationships help increase personal safety?AI is very good at setting limits against aggression. But what about us as individuals, companies, and society? Who is Linda Štucbartová Linda Štucbartová is a member of the Executive Board of the Czech-Israeli Mixed Chamber, where she leads the Science, Research, and Innovation section. Her latest project is spreading the unique concept of Self-defense for everyone, for which she received the Heart of the Year award from the City of Prague 2022, was nominated for Woman of the Year 2022, and reached the semifinals of the SDGs awards by the Association of Social Responsibility. This year, she is nominated for the Diversity Role Model award in the CEE region.She is also involved in activities at Diversio, a company connecting the commercial and academic sectors. She has implemented projects such as Women in Tech and, together with the Neuron Foundation, programs for young scientists in Israel. In her practice, she has worked with over a thousand leaders from the CEE region in long-term transformation programs. She serves on the Commercialization Council of Charles University and is an evaluator for the Technology Agency. Her passion is writing; she authored the book Ambassadors without a diplomatic passport and over 300 interviews with leading personalities for Czech and Slovak Leaders Magazine. ## Transcript **[00:00:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:00:30]** www.magenta.cz **[00:01:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:01:30]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:02:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:02:30]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:05]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:10]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:15]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:20]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:25]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:30]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:03:35]** 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JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:07:35]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:07:40]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:07:45]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:07:50]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:07:55]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:05]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:10]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:15]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:20]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:25]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:30]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:35]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:40]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:45]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:50]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:08:55]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:00]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:05]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:10]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:15]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:20]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:25]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:30]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:35]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:40]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:45]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:50]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:09:55]** Subtitles created by JohnyX http://johnyxcz.org **[00:10:00]** And as a mother, I asked myself if I really equipped her with all the competencies and skills for life, **[00:10:09]** including standing up for herself. **[00:10:12]** And I realized that the element of being able to defend herself had slipped through in her upbringing. **[00:10:23]** So we went looking for self-defense courses that would be adapted to the fact that, **[00:10:31]** you're not always a sporty type, you don't always want to punch or kick, fight on the ground, and so on. **[00:10:45]** And we didn't have much luck. **[00:10:48]** We really went through several courses where the first lesson was, choke, choke, take them to the ground. **[00:10:57]** From an expert's point of view, ground fighting is probably something you'd primarily want to avoid. **[00:11:08]** Choking. I won't tell you if yes or no, but it requires a special mindset. **[00:11:19]** And maybe not everyone is capable of that. **[00:11:23]** I myself, as a diligent student, was elbowing the groin so hard, **[00:11:31]** that I caused myself both raw, bleeding elbows and an eye injury, **[00:11:37]** because the instructor forgot to explain that it's not about the elbow but the fleshy part. **[00:11:44]** So I thought, there must be something else out there. **[00:11:49]** And in December 2019, I met the founder of the ISD Global movement, Mrs. Judy Sidigman. **[00:12:00]** You see her in the photo, that amazing lady in her sixties, no one would guess, **[00:12:07]** with blue hair, who told me about this method. She said she loves the Czech Republic and wants to bring it here. **[00:12:16]** And I said, okay, I'll spread it here. **[00:12:21]** We planned a Train the Trainer and a big conference against violence education for March 2020. **[00:12:31]** You probably all know what followed. COVID, closed borders, and an increase in violence, which we already talked about, **[00:12:39]** which actually showed that this preventive education is really much needed here. **[00:12:49]** I had to wait until September 2021 for my certification. **[00:12:55]** And if someone from the ranks of martial arts or combat sports is watching, **[00:13:02]** they would definitely ask if I got the certification in Israel. **[00:13:08]** Because when you earn something in Israel, it has a special value. **[00:13:14]** No, I did not get it in Israel. **[00:13:17]** Israel was still closed at that time, but Israeli colleagues went to Albania. **[00:13:23]** So I actually have certification from Israeli colleagues, but I earned it in Albania. **[00:13:30]** In Albania, I witnessed a project funded by the UN and the Swedish government, **[00:13:37]** which was focused on schools. **[00:13:43]** Albania, as you may know, suffers from a major problem not only of violence against children, **[00:13:50]** violence against women, but also human trafficking and organ trafficking. **[00:13:57]** So the UN and the Swedish government sponsored widespread training for several dozen teachers. **[00:14:06]** And I found out how this methodology is not only practical, **[00:14:12]** but especially how it can improve the climate in schools. **[00:14:18]** How it serves as bullying prevention. **[00:14:21]** How suddenly teachers and students can communicate better. **[00:14:27]** And I thought, this is my path, this is my mission. **[00:14:33]** Thanks to the Academy for Women Entrepreneurs program from BBV, **[00:14:39]** I had the chance to build it a bit on a business foundation. **[00:14:45]** I made it to the finals. **[00:14:49]** I was nominated for Woman of the Year 2022. **[00:14:53]** And last fall, I was honored as a Heart of Prague. **[00:15:02]** This year, I’m glad we were recognized among 17 significant projects **[00:15:09]** by the Nordic Chamber of Commerce, and that I was nominated for **[00:15:13]** the Centre of European Startup Awards. **[00:15:16]** And I’m very grateful to the organizations that helped me **[00:15:22]** move forward, like 321 Workshop and Newton Business Accelerator. **[00:15:28]** Currently, I hold the highest coaching qualification, **[00:15:34]** ESD Lead Global Trainer, and my second trained coach **[00:15:42]** is my daughter, Lada Lierkalová. **[00:15:46]** So, statistics. Honza revealed it here. **[00:15:51]** Every third woman, every fourth child, **[00:15:56]** every sixth boy, and every tenth man will experience **[00:16:04]** physical violence in their lifetime. **[00:16:08]** For me, this is alarming and something needs to be done. **[00:16:16]** As I said, our Self-Defense for All is built on the fact **[00:16:22]** that it really is for everyone. We piloted it with a target group **[00:16:28]** from 8 to 88 years old. Besides being set up B2B, **[00:16:36]** meaning we work with companies and organizations, **[00:16:40]** because with such a limited team we also have electoral colleagues **[00:16:44]** who cooperate with us, we can’t fully reach the end customer, **[00:16:49]** so through corporations and CSR we got into children’s homes, **[00:16:55]** where we supported both children and caregivers. **[00:16:59]** We were at the Brána jazyků school. **[00:17:04]** Then I was also at the Něžky Mická elementary school in Ústí. **[00:17:09]** Currently, we focus a lot on people who really **[00:17:15]** in their positions face or witness almost daily aggression. **[00:17:23]** Sometimes verbal, and sometimes verbal can escalate to physical. **[00:17:30]** These are complaint workers in some retail chains, **[00:17:37]** They are info center workers. **[00:17:41]** We work with HR to explain what self-defense means in our approach. **[00:17:50]** Thanks to T-Mobile, we had the opportunity to focus on seniors and people with disabilities, **[00:17:58]** because our motto is that everyone can defend themselves, **[00:18:04]** but everyone will do it differently. **[00:18:10]** And maybe I'll highlight the cooperation with the Breast Cancer Women's Alliance, **[00:18:17]** because these are exactly the types of people who appear vulnerable in some way **[00:18:25]** and because of how they look, they easily become targets of so-called prejudicial violence. **[00:18:34]** But we also say that not everyone chosen as a target by an aggressor **[00:18:42]** becomes a victim. **[00:18:45]** So, a little about the methodology. **[00:18:48]** Currently, we have over 350 instructors worldwide, **[00:18:54]** which for me is an incredible network of inspiration, **[00:18:59]** know-how from the best examples of good practice on all five continents. **[00:19:07]** As I said, it really is for everyone. **[00:19:11]** There is a nice English saying **[00:19:19]** for everybody and everybody. **[00:19:23]** Another element is the trauma-informed approach. **[00:19:27]** That means we are specially trained for **[00:19:31]** someone who has already been a victim of aggression to join these courses. **[00:19:35]** And the third approach is, for me, extremely important. **[00:19:39]** And I would ask that we all start paying attention to it. **[00:19:43]** It is the approach that the aggressor is responsible for the violence. **[00:19:48]** When we look at how secondary victimization happens, **[00:19:54]** when we hear things like why were you there, what were you wearing, **[00:20:00]** didn't you kind of provoke it by chance, what happened during Dominic Ferry's trial, **[00:20:09]** was really quite terrible. **[00:20:17]** Look at how young people are talked about, snowflakes who can't handle anything, oversensitive, and so on. **[00:20:19]** Will they really want to open up about their problems? **[00:20:29]** Look at how seniors are talked about, as if they are dumb, trusting, scared of everything. **[00:20:33]** No, the aggressor is responsible for the violence, the fraudster is responsible for fraud, and it should stay that way. **[00:20:41]** We will talk about five principles. **[00:20:52]** If I wanted you to take something from today's breakfast, it would be the principles: think, shout, run, fight, share. **[00:20:55]** As I said, I often work at the intersection of science and business, and I believe there is nothing more practical than a good theory. **[00:21:04]** And today I want to share that theory with you. **[00:21:16]** I already mentioned that in some countries this methodology is part of school education. **[00:21:21]** Whether it's the United States, Canada, Israel, my colleague Bianka Urbanovská is currently starting a big project in Slovakia, Belgium, and Albania. **[00:21:32]** It is both bullying prevention and, of course, a way to prevent violence in society. **[00:21:45]** I already spoke about the five principles, so again: think, shout, run, fight, share. **[00:22:09]** And because if I say it once, you might forget, let's all say it out loud now. **[00:22:18]** So. **[00:22:24]** Be okay, great, thanks. **[00:22:28]** So, where do we start? **[00:22:31]** We'll start with intuition. **[00:22:32]** How are you doing with that? **[00:22:35]** Have you ever been in a situation where you ignored your intuition and then thought, **[00:22:44]** why didn’t I do that? I'm really curious. **[00:22:50]** Thank you for your honesty. **[00:23:02]** Intuition is very important in self-defense, but we don’t always know how to use it. **[00:23:14]** And since we have this slide here, I’d be interested, but we don’t have time for voting now, **[00:23:20]** most women admit they have intuition but don’t always listen to it. **[00:23:30]** We try to rationalize, make excuses, telling ourselves if we spoke up, **[00:23:37]** we’d be labeled hysterical or a bitch, which is actually one of the nicer labels. **[00:23:45]** So I always say, it’s better to feel a little awkward sometimes than to compromise your safety. **[00:23:56]** Now let's move on to the next statistics. **[00:24:00]** Often when we talk about violence and what we fear, **[00:24:08]** there’s a societal myth that a pervert will jump out from the bushes. **[00:24:19]** The audience nods, I don’t know if you do too in libraries and other centers. **[00:24:25]** But the reality, according to recent research from Scandinavia, **[00:24:32]** is that in 90% of cases involving women, the attacker is someone close, someone we know. **[00:24:44]** That means work, family, or possibly school. **[00:24:50]** So being aware of where risks might come from **[00:24:56]** and how to defend yourself is part of the first principle of the mind. **[00:25:05]** Next, using your senses: if I tell you humans are the only species **[00:25:16]** that voluntarily deprives themselves of their senses, I see nodding again. **[00:25:25]** So next time you’re walking down a dark road, looking at your phone, **[00:25:32]** with headphones on, think about what signal you’re sending to a potential predator. **[00:25:44]** Are you an easy target or a difficult one? **[00:25:51]** Because very often, and this is about self-defense not just being physical, **[00:25:58]** but about prevention and setting boundaries, **[00:26:02]** predators and attackers don’t want a strong target. **[00:26:08]** They don’t pick someone in the same weight class and say, **[00:26:13]** hey, get ready, in five minutes we’ll fight, bow, go to the mat, **[00:26:21]** and use some allowed techniques. **[00:26:27]** Often there’s an element of surprise. **[00:26:30]** Often, in the case of women, there’s a weight difference. **[00:26:37]** But I still believe that if we are prepared, we have a chance to defend ourselves. **[00:26:48]** When I talk about self-defense, many people imagine a one-on-one situation, **[00:26:55]** some unknown place, a shallow park. **[00:27:00]** I always say, these are life skills. **[00:27:04]** You know how to navigate a crowd. **[00:27:08]** How would you react if you were at a concert with 70,000 other people **[00:27:16]** and suddenly the stands collapsed? **[00:27:19]** You're in a closed club, a fire breaks out. **[00:27:24]** Are we paying attention to where the emergency exit is? **[00:27:28]** Are we taking full responsibility for our own safety? **[00:27:35]** Or are we just hoping nothing will happen? **[00:27:40]** Again, those who are prepared are not surprised. **[00:27:44]** So spatial awareness, and awareness of when I consciously choose **[00:27:52]** to pay attention to where I am and how I move there **[00:27:58]** and how I present myself is part of self-defense. **[00:28:03]** And the last topic, which came up in your answers, is boundaries. **[00:28:10]** How do I feel? Where do I still feel safe and where not? **[00:28:17]** It's completely natural to say where your boundaries are and that it's okay **[00:28:24]** to have them different from others, that sometimes I might be more sensitive to something, **[00:28:30]** where others would be fine, and just learn to handle it. **[00:28:37]** So this whole awareness and self-knowledge belongs, in our view, to self-defense, **[00:28:46]** specifically under the principle of the mind. **[00:28:51]** The principle of shouting. It's not just about shouting, but about communication itself. **[00:29:00]** When it comes to partner violence, it rarely starts with a slap on the first date. **[00:29:10]** It starts with gradually crossing boundaries. Gradually limiting personal freedom. **[00:29:20]** Gradually demeaning us as free, respected beings. **[00:29:29]** And here the communication aspect of setting our boundaries is very important. **[00:29:36]** We have a communication formula based on our feelings **[00:29:41]** and then telling the other person what to do, not what not to do. **[00:29:49]** Five principles of no. **[00:29:54]** No is a whole sentence. **[00:29:57]** I have the right to say no. **[00:30:00]** I don't have to apologize for no, I don't have to explain my no, **[00:30:08]** and I say no when I mean no. **[00:30:12]** Because if I let it be broken by chance, **[00:30:16]** next time it will be a little harder. **[00:30:19]** So if I don't know, I say I don't know. **[00:30:22]** If I need more time, I say I need to think it over. **[00:30:27]** But my no is like my garden. **[00:30:32]** Would you let someone step on tulips, hyacinths, daffodils, **[00:30:41]** let me bring you back to spring a bit? **[00:30:45]** Many people say no, that's my garden, and usually we put a fence there. **[00:30:50]** So how do we handle our personal boundaries? **[00:30:55]** And why do we let others trample on our privacy, **[00:31:01]** on our values? **[00:31:06]** And the question is, when do we cross our own boundaries, **[00:31:12]** when we ourselves break a promise to ourselves? **[00:31:21]** No, it's always easy to say no, especially to authority. **[00:31:27]** At home, it's about the relationship; at work, it's about the relationship and respect. **[00:31:35]** So it's good to say, I love you, but no, this is crossing the line. **[00:31:41]** Or I respect you, but no. **[00:31:47]** For me, the principle of shouting, working with your voice, **[00:31:53]** is one of the most useful yet most underestimated, **[00:31:59]** when it comes to self-defense. **[00:32:03]** Very often, and I'm not talking about predators **[00:32:09]** or manipulators, but some people cross our boundaries, **[00:32:16]** and we allow it. **[00:32:19]** And it's only because they have different boundaries than we do. **[00:32:23]** Try to start a conversation about it next time and you'll find out **[00:32:30]** that nothing really happens, the person apologizes, **[00:32:35]** and might say, I didn't mean it that way, **[00:32:39]** or I didn't even notice. **[00:32:43]** The ability to ask for help. **[00:32:46]** Very often we think we have to handle it alone, **[00:32:50]** that it only happens to us, that we're doing something wrong. **[00:32:55]** This is also part of the shouting principle. **[00:32:59]** And last but not least, there is the shout itself. **[00:33:04]** It's important, especially if we're on the street, **[00:33:08]** surprise, not to freeze. **[00:33:13]** Freezing is a natural stress response. **[00:33:17]** Alongside fight and flight. **[00:33:22]** That means we shouldn't be hard on ourselves. **[00:33:26]** As a self-defense instructor, I have quite a long experience, **[00:33:30]** but I learned to scream. **[00:33:34]** My daughter, who is very small, **[00:33:38]** and doesn't like martial arts at all, **[00:33:42]** because she sang in a children's choir in Kýnov, **[00:33:48]** can easily reach about 115 decibels with her scream. **[00:33:56]** We won't test it now. **[00:34:00]** I measure this in my courses and want **[00:34:04]** you to reach about 105 to 110 decibels. **[00:34:08]** Because the scream, besides giving your body adrenaline, **[00:34:14]** also draws attention from those around you. **[00:34:18]** And at the same time, it shows that you definitely won't become an easy target. **[00:34:24]** That's advice for women. **[00:34:28]** Men defend themselves a bit differently. **[00:34:32]** With a male colleague, I’m learning more about de-escalating and not escalating things. **[00:34:40]** Because with men, it’s often some kind of educational violence, **[00:34:46]** where one person needs to clarify something and set boundaries with the other. **[00:34:52]** So my recommendation is: learn to shout. **[00:34:58]** Very often, it’s just not natural for us, **[00:35:02]** and now I’m speaking about us as women, to speak up at all. **[00:35:06]** It’s exactly like when we do speak up, **[00:35:10]** like saying on the tram that someone is standing too close, **[00:35:16]** maybe harassing us, we won’t be seen as the great assertive, **[00:35:22]** communicative person who defends her boundaries. **[00:35:26]** But very often, a few not-so-nice insults come back. **[00:35:32]** It’s like leadership. **[00:35:34]** The ability to stand up for yourself and be liked often conflicts. **[00:35:40]** In this case, I always say, don’t look for justice with me, **[00:35:44]** I deal with safety. **[00:35:48]** Let’s move to the third principle. **[00:35:51]** And again, I have a question for you. **[00:35:55]** What made your morning better? **[00:35:59]** I’m especially interested in answers from SOF, because such a great event, **[00:36:07]** but from eight o’clock on, it was quite a challenge for me personally. **[00:36:13]** Music, coffee—I’m advocating for that—affirmations, podcasts, a hot shower, **[00:36:26]** sports, breakfast, a walk, green tea, family breakfast, **[00:36:34]** I’m smiling at everything I meet, a hot shower because I came here. **[00:36:40]** Great, thanks, thanks. **[00:36:43]** So, why are we talking about this? **[00:36:47]** Our personal mindset is very important for de-escalation. **[00:36:53]** We’re at the third principle: run away, which isn’t just about physical escape. **[00:36:59]** Very often, when I say think 'shout, run away', **[00:37:03]** the audience asks, I can’t run in heels. **[00:37:08]** I can’t run in heels either. **[00:37:11]** I think you don’t run in heels, unless it’s that famous race **[00:37:17]** of office mice, where it’s intentional. **[00:37:20]** That’s probably the only time I’d run in heels. **[00:37:23]** With heels, either I kick them off or use them as a weapon, **[00:37:26]** or I come up with another strategy. **[00:37:28]** So no, I don’t teach running in heels, but I teach de-escalation. **[00:37:35]** A won battle is one that never happened. **[00:37:38]** As Master Sun Tzu himself said. **[00:37:41]** That means how I can de-escalate aggression that isn't aimed at us, **[00:37:50]** endure it, and not escalate it further. **[00:37:55]** We agreed that the aggressor is responsible for violence and aggression. **[00:38:00]** Absolutely. **[00:38:02]** Sometimes it is within my abilities and competencies **[00:38:07]** to choose whether I endure it or engage in the conflict. **[00:38:13]** That means, think about the forms we have **[00:38:16]** of physical escape, but also psychological escape. **[00:38:20]** It means ending the conversation, asking for a break, **[00:38:24]** we don't have to listen to all those, I would say, manipulative calls, **[00:38:31]** and so on. At work, when we see the atmosphere in the meeting room, **[00:38:36]** especially at board meetings, starting to simmer, **[00:38:40]** we never come up with anything good in the heat of the moment. **[00:38:46]** It's important to understand the stress response here. **[00:38:50]** The moment the brain goes into the so-called amygdala under stress, **[00:38:55]** I can only fight, flee, or freeze. **[00:39:00]** Those who flee or freeze usually don't cause problems, **[00:39:05]** but then there are those who fight. **[00:39:08]** At that moment, they literally feel like their life is at stake, **[00:39:13]** because the brain can't distinguish between perceived danger **[00:39:18]** and real danger, so you become the saber-toothed tiger **[00:39:23]** that wants to tear them apart. **[00:39:25]** And that's definitely not an environment for constructive dialogue. **[00:39:30]** Abjeta, calm down. That hasn't calmed many people yet. **[00:39:36]** So it's really important to understand the stress response. **[00:39:41]** What it does to others, but also what it does to me. **[00:39:46]** Because we know that illness and emotions are closely connected. **[00:39:52]** Emotions spread quickly. **[00:39:54]** And very often, when someone is under stress, **[00:39:58]** we start to notice it in their reactions. **[00:40:00]** On a physical level. Then we literally have a few seconds to decide whether to get drawn into the game or to withstand it. **[00:40:12]** That's where positive mindset, the anchor within us, is very important. **[00:40:19]** I once met an American self-defense expert and asked him what he would recommend to people **[00:40:28]** who don't want to train or hit anything, but currently need to increase their sense of safety. **[00:40:38]** He told them to drink more water to stay calmer. And I think, especially in the context of the Christmas season, **[00:40:49]** when stress will pile up, this is very, very useful advice. **[00:40:56]** And the last thing, about the principle of 'run' before we get to 'fight'. **[00:41:01]** Let's talk about what is worth fighting for and what is not. **[00:41:05]** Again, you fight for whatever you want, but I feel fighting is necessary when health and life are at stake. **[00:41:19]** It's not worth fighting over a handbag, a wallet, or a phone. From my point of view, no. **[00:41:29]** It's worth learning how to give that person what they want, **[00:41:35]** so I can buy time, escape, report it, and so on. **[00:41:42]** So that's basically the principle of run away. **[00:41:46]** This lesson about what is worth fighting for and what isn't is very important **[00:41:53]** to discuss both with seniors and adolescents. **[00:41:59]** So that emotions don't outweigh reason. **[00:42:05]** The principle of fight. As I said, self-defense is really for everyone. **[00:42:11]** So we teach simple physical techniques. A palm strike. **[00:42:16]** Here I have a self-defense glove if anyone wants to try it later. **[00:42:22]** We teach simple kicks so you don't destabilize yourself too much. **[00:42:27]** In close combat, Krav Maga uses the beak technique. **[00:42:32]** And we hope that by using the earlier principle of mind—shout and run away, **[00:42:41]** you won't have to engage in physical fighting. **[00:42:45]** On the other hand, why it's good to know some easy physical techniques, **[00:42:51]** is that knowing these techniques helps with de-escalation. **[00:42:59]** It's also important to realize, as I mentioned at the start, **[00:43:04]** that we are not in the realm of combat sports or martial arts. **[00:43:09]** This means any way you can get the aggressor away from you, **[00:43:14]** buy time, escape, run for help, run to safety. **[00:43:20]** I’m not going to tell you, this is a nice technique, here’s a good elbow strike, **[00:43:26]** twist your hips a bit, and so on. **[00:43:29]** It turns out, and my colleagues from Krav Maga agree, **[00:43:35]** that when I get stressed, **[00:43:39]** I’m at the level of a two- to three-year-old child in a defiant phase. **[00:43:45]** I can’t come up with anything creative. **[00:43:48]** And if I haven’t practiced well, I won’t even remember complicated techniques **[00:43:54]** that don’t feel natural to me. **[00:43:58]** So we start with slaps and kicks, **[00:44:02]** and we firmly believe that anyone can defend themselves. **[00:44:07]** The principle is to use the strong parts of your own body **[00:44:12]** against the weak or vulnerable parts of the aggressor’s body. **[00:44:17]** So palm strikes, elbows—but the fleshy part, not the bone, **[00:44:24]** also the knee, the area above the knee, the heel. **[00:44:30]** The weak spots that hurt me will probably hurt the opponent too. **[00:44:36]** So the face, neck, groin—but be careful, it’s not always good to aim for the groin **[00:44:44]** as the first strike, and then the shin. **[00:44:48]** Speaking of heels, a heel strike to the instep **[00:44:53]** is also a nice weapon and technique. **[00:44:57]** So, we’re at the last principle: create distance. **[00:45:02]** So I'll ask you if you know how to listen. **[00:45:14]** Okay, thank you. Good. **[00:45:23]** I'm glad to have such a well-behaved audience. **[00:45:29]** They say a person has two eyes, two ears, and one mouth. **[00:45:40]** And we should use our senses in that proportion. **[00:45:47]** Very often, someone comes, confides in us, **[00:45:52]** and the reaction is either why they went there, what you were wearing. **[00:46:00]** Or unsolicited advice. **[00:46:04]** Hey, I would do this. I wouldn't get into that situation at all. **[00:46:09]** We know unsolicited advice is the advice of Mr. Smrad. **[00:46:14]** That means it's often not just about who shares, **[00:46:20]** but how we respond. **[00:46:24]** Whether we can be fully present for the other person at that moment. **[00:46:32]** Whether we listen without judgment, don't give advice unless asked, **[00:46:40]** hold back on judgments, and truly provide **[00:46:48]** appropriate support first and help if asked. **[00:46:56]** That's why we have five principles and should have five friends **[00:47:04]** or close people we can confide in. **[00:47:10]** Because we don't always succeed on the first try. **[00:47:16]** So let's be careful with our judgmental comments **[00:47:22]** when they are not appropriate. **[00:47:25]** I'll emphasize again what has already been said. **[00:47:29]** Beware of secondary victimization. **[00:47:33]** If we want to do something about violence, let's start with the premise **[00:47:40]** that the culprits are responsible for violence, aggression, and fraud, **[00:47:46]** not those who become their victims. **[00:47:51]** And we recommend sharing. **[00:47:54]** It's part of the healing process, **[00:48:00]** getting help, and also prevention. **[00:48:07]** So, what have I prepared for you for the corporate environment? **[00:48:12]** What might be useful for you when it comes to aggression? **[00:48:17]** I hope it won't involve physical skills, **[00:48:22]** but maybe some basics of nonviolent communication, **[00:48:28]** which really builds on active listening. **[00:48:32]** With participants, we test speech, **[00:48:39]** because we greatly overestimate the importance of words, **[00:48:43]** which is 7% of communication, **[00:48:47]** and completely underestimate how we look while speaking. **[00:48:51]** Many women, but also adolescents, **[00:48:55]** when something makes them uncomfortable, **[00:48:59]** When they have to say no, they smile while doing it. **[00:49:03]** Laughter is a natural reaction to stress relief. **[00:49:11]** On the other hand, it's good for the person to be aware of this, **[00:49:17]** because it then sends a completely different signal. **[00:49:24]** So it's important to try out some communication phrases **[00:49:29]** even with strangers **[00:49:33]** and get feedback on how I come across during communication. **[00:49:41]** Voice. **[00:49:43]** Under stress, women's voices tend to go higher. **[00:49:49]** Hello. **[00:49:51]** So we become those unpleasant schoolmistresses. **[00:49:54]** Or, on the contrary, we barely make a sound. **[00:50:00]** Whispering, where it freezes up. **[00:50:04]** That means relearning how to shout. **[00:50:07]** It's great to sing in the car. **[00:50:11]** Or in the shower. **[00:50:12]** Because many women tell me, **[00:50:15]** no, I won't try it in the course, **[00:50:17]** how would I look, it's embarrassing, **[00:50:19]** but I'll manage it differently. **[00:50:22]** Well, from my side, I wish you to succeed, **[00:50:26]** but the chance that if you don't try it in a safe environment, **[00:50:31]** you'll do well under pressure, **[00:50:34]** is statistically not very high. **[00:50:38]** I hope you'll be the exception. **[00:50:41]** What is also very important, **[00:50:44]** is to try the escalation and de-escalation curve. **[00:50:50]** We shout from one to ten for a moment, **[00:50:53]** then go from ten back down to one, **[00:50:56]** where at one we should whisper. **[00:50:58]** No, it doesn't always work. **[00:51:01]** And it beautifully illustrates **[00:51:04]** the stress response. **[00:51:07]** That we get into the spiral relatively easily, **[00:51:11]** but calming down requires **[00:51:14]** quite a lot of time and space. **[00:51:18]** That means, when facing someone in a state of agitation, **[00:51:22]** we should start calming them down, **[00:51:26]** but first on a physical, nonverbal level. **[00:51:30]** To transfer calmness from ourselves. **[00:51:32]** Or send the message that it doesn't work on me. **[00:51:37]** So, some communication types. **[00:51:42]** First, focus on the person, **[00:51:44]** and only then on the problem. **[00:51:46]** It's about the relationship. **[00:51:48]** We all know that. **[00:51:49]** But actually, only when we try it out, **[00:51:52]** and combine it with the overall theory, **[00:51:55]** we tend not only to understand it, **[00:51:59]** but to start doing it. **[00:52:01]** Working with the voice. **[00:52:03]** Very often, we respond to shouting with shouting. **[00:52:08]** Sometimes it's much more important to calm the voice down. **[00:52:13]** I already talked about gestures, **[00:52:18]** and I also mentioned **[00:52:21]** the communication phrasing. **[00:52:23]** Say what others should do, **[00:52:26]** not what they shouldn't do. **[00:52:28]** Now, please close your eyes. **[00:52:32]** I can see you from the front. **[00:52:35]** Well, that always happens. **[00:52:37]** Close your eyes, please, **[00:52:39]** close your eyes, please, **[00:52:42]** don't think about a pink elephant. **[00:52:45]** On that pink elephant, there is no green monkey, **[00:52:52]** and the green monkey that is not on the pink elephant, **[00:52:56]** doesn't have a yellow hat on its head. **[00:53:00]** Now, you can open your eyes. **[00:53:04]** Think about the pink elephant. **[00:53:07]** That's important. **[00:53:09]** But what I wanted to show you is **[00:53:11]** that the brain is not always able to process negative abstraction. **[00:53:17]** That means, especially when dealing with a person **[00:53:20]** who is in some kind of emotional state, **[00:53:22]** it's important to say what they should do, **[00:53:24]** not what they shouldn't do. **[00:53:28]** The rule of formal address. **[00:53:30]** You can read about it in many manuals. **[00:53:34]** Aggressors start using informal address. **[00:53:37]** It's the first barrier, the first boundary, **[00:53:39]** that they are trying to break through to you. **[00:53:42]** If you address them informally back, **[00:53:46]** people around will get the impression **[00:53:47]** that it's a conflict between two acquaintances. **[00:53:51]** And people really dislike getting involved in such conflicts. **[00:53:55]** So even if for the younger generations **[00:53:59]** suddenly at a disco **[00:54:02]** a friend under the influence of alcohol **[00:54:05]** turns into some kind of monster, **[00:54:09]** you say, no, I don't know you. **[00:54:11]** I need help, go away. **[00:54:16]** Empathy and understanding. **[00:54:19]** The first concession. **[00:54:21]** Understanding someone, **[00:54:23]** listening to someone, **[00:54:26]** doesn't mean you agree with them, **[00:54:29]** but it can somehow ease the initial stress. **[00:54:35]** And let the trash slide. **[00:54:39]** Don't respond to personal insults and invectives. **[00:54:42]** As I said, there's a big difference **[00:54:46]** between justice and safety. **[00:54:50]** And especially recently, newspapers **[00:54:53]** have been feeding us stories about **[00:54:55]** how some pointless fight over a shopping cart, **[00:54:59]** or a parking spot, **[00:55:02]** ended in serious physical contact. **[00:55:12]** So, maybe how do we work? **[00:55:15]** Here is a sample from one of our trainings. **[00:55:20]** As I said, through CSR, **[00:55:23]** we also work with at-risk groups, **[00:55:27]** we offer team building, **[00:55:29]** we offer the Mothers and Daughters workshop. **[00:55:32]** And Fathers and Sons, **[00:55:34]** because I said women approach self-defense differently, **[00:55:37]** and men do too, **[00:55:39]** we offer workshops for schools **[00:55:42]** and workshops for groups threatened by prejudicial violence. **[00:55:46]** When I mentioned people **[00:55:49]** who are currently at risk, **[00:55:53]** I was referring to those working, **[00:55:58]** Especially the women at those counters. **[00:56:03]** We support the public sector, **[00:56:05]** where there are officials, **[00:56:07]** who are incredibly under pressure on the front lines, **[00:56:11]** whether they are pub workers, **[00:56:13]** or workers in the misdemeanor departments, **[00:56:17]** or even workers **[00:56:20]** really like those at employment offices. **[00:56:25]** And because we believe **[00:56:29]** that self-defense is also about **[00:56:33]** feeling safe while doing it, **[00:56:37]** we are able to offer limited **[00:56:40]** one-on-one or one-on-two lessons. **[00:56:44]** For example, my daughter worked with a boy **[00:56:46]** who is in foster care **[00:56:49]** and at a different developmental stage. **[00:56:52]** This means his mental age **[00:56:55]** is different from his developmental age. **[00:56:58]** His insecurity often showed as aggression. **[00:57:01]** And because we explained some principles to him, **[00:57:05]** he experienced some things and we taught him to breathe, **[00:57:10]** the foster mother suddenly called us, **[00:57:14]** saying he was transformed. **[00:57:18]** I am glad that for our project, **[00:57:22]** we managed to multiply the number of people **[00:57:25]** we trained, **[00:57:29]** and the number of graduates, **[00:57:32]** and because sharing is one of our principles, **[00:57:34]** next year we want to push more into technology, **[00:57:38]** whether through workshops or x-learning, **[00:57:44]** so we can spread this prevention to people, **[00:57:50]** not only from corporate environments, **[00:57:56]** but really focus on those **[00:57:59]** who are somehow at risk. **[00:58:02]** That means adolescents, seniors. **[00:58:06]** Two other groups that really need support **[00:58:10]** are all people **[00:58:15]** working in the so-called hospitality industry, **[00:58:17]** meaning restaurants, hotels. **[00:58:24]** We are actually seeing an enormous increase in violence there. **[00:58:29]** And the healthcare sector as well. **[00:58:33]** Violence against healthcare workers, paramedics, **[00:58:37]** is a sad reflection of today's society. **[00:58:46]** And I would like to bring another train-the-trainer group to the Czech Republic. **[00:58:52]** Now an offer. I talked about technology, **[00:58:56]** so in cooperation with the Israeli company MyPowerApp, **[00:59:01]** we have 16 days of activism against violence towards girls and women, **[00:59:05]** so for the 16 participants of the breakfast, we offer the chance to test **[00:59:09]** the Israeli app MyPowerApp, **[00:59:12]** which is like a coach in your phone. **[00:59:15]** Please email me at linda-studzbartova.cz **[00:59:20]** and I will connect you with the Israeli colleague who will give you access. **[00:59:25]** So let's not just talk about technology, **[00:59:29]** but as a thank you for participating today. **[00:59:33]** This is my offer. **[00:59:36]** And regarding partnership, if our plans **[00:59:41]** about xLearning and vrk interest you, **[00:59:45]** we would definitely appreciate any leads. **[00:59:50]** Our vision is to train 3.5% of the population **[00:59:55]** to achieve social change. **[01:00:00]** To look at aggression and violence not only from the perspective of helping victims, **[01:00:08]** but how to address these negative phenomena in society through education, **[01:00:17]** knowing the whole concept, understanding the curve, knowing where I can either prevent something, **[01:00:28]** or de-escalate it, and we want to spread this further. **[01:00:34]** Recommended reading, I chose foreign sources, so de Bonobo, **[01:00:41]** a sisterhood of Harvard scientists who wrote about the Bonobo ape tribe, which is very closely related to humans, **[01:00:54]** and note, it is a matriarchy with no violence, so a very inspiring book. **[01:01:01]** Get Empowered is a self-help book, meaning if I feel someone is crossing my boundaries, what can I do about it. **[01:01:07]** Beauty Bites Beast is also available as a film, **[01:01:13]** about how self-defense for women can change lives. **[01:01:18]** And the book I Kick and Flight is about abuse of girls in India, **[01:01:25]** and what happens to them when they start learning, I believe, Taekwondo. **[01:01:35]** And The Safety Godmothers by Ellen Snortland, who is also the author of Beauty Bites Beast, **[01:01:42]** and Lisa Gaeta, one of the recognized trainers, **[01:01:48]** author of the so-called Impact approach, which is part of my training. **[01:01:55]** Five books to finish. **[01:02:01]** And a question: now that you know what you know, what would you name our project? **[01:02:06]** Because I often get feedback that 'self-defense' is misleading. **[01:02:21]** We deliberately avoided the term self-defense in the teaser with Honza. **[01:02:28]** On the other hand, when we filmed that teaser, if you watched it, **[01:02:33]** the word self-defense really didn't come up. **[01:02:36]** So that we wouldn't polarize the audience in any way, **[01:02:40]** Honza came to me and said, **[01:02:45]** hey, I really missed the word self-defense there. **[01:02:50]** So I thought, maybe we'll come up with a different name together, **[01:02:56]** or maybe it's about somewhat rehabilitating the term self-defense **[01:03:04]** and bringing it back as part of our everyday life. **[01:03:12]** And also as part of education, for example. **[01:03:15]** Just as we learn critical reading, just as we learn financial literacy, **[01:03:24]** maybe it's time to start learning self-defense. **[01:03:31]** Meaningful self-defense was there at the start, I really liked that. **[01:03:37]** And self-love, thank you. Thanks for all the tips. **[01:03:43]** I'll let you keep writing. I'll ask Lada to take a photo so we don't lose the good ideas. **[01:04:03]** It's a shame to interrupt, but this is the last slide and I see I have exactly one minute left. **[01:04:19]** Well then, let's leave it up for a moment longer. **[01:04:25]** Thank you very much, thanks. I'll pull up a chair next to you. **[01:04:30]** And of course, I'll invite all of you. You know how we'll do it? **[01:04:37]** We'll switch to questions now, and after breakfast we'll put it back up after the questions, **[01:04:44]** so you can add some names. You don't have to take photos because we'll provide everything. **[01:04:52]** I'll let you talk a bit now because I have a topic we discussed together **[01:05:02]** and actually didn't come up in the lecture. I feel we've now beautifully and thankfully covered many tips and tricks **[01:05:11]** related to the physical world. But we talked about how a lot of aggression and violence also happens **[01:05:21]** in the virtual world, on social media and so on. Do you think you could say something about **[01:05:28]** how these principles could be applied there and if they are valid too? **[01:05:33]** Thank you. So the principle is to know what types of violence threaten us. For example, during the Christmas season, **[01:05:44]** we'll get SMS messages saying someone sent us a package but didn't pay, or that we've lost a payment card, **[01:05:53]** so the bank calls saying they will block our account for safety, need our details, and preferably want us to click and authorize on the computer. **[01:06:04]** This means prevention again—knowing what threatens me. **[01:06:11]** It's probably no longer the energy scam that flew around last year, but predators, manipulators, and aggressors **[01:06:19]** are becoming increasingly, I would say, inventive. **[01:06:25]** The principle is to shout, to defend yourself with your voice. Saying no, I'm not interested works very well, as does the phrase, I have my own information sources. **[01:06:37]** That really throws them off; they follow a script where you should say yes three times, **[01:06:43]** and the phrase I have my own information sources is really great, try it. **[01:06:50]** Another helpful phrase is, send me the information by email, and have a special email for that. **[01:06:57]** I've never actually been able to read about a great offer I heard on the phone afterward. **[01:07:03]** People just don't go for it. **[01:07:09]** So the principle is to shout, use your voice, run away, I don't have to listen to this. **[01:07:16]** I can just say on the phone, I'm not interested, thank you, goodbye, remove me from your database. **[01:07:22]** Really like those manipulators, I don't have time, just a moment, I have no money. **[01:07:29]** It's actually free and you pay later. **[01:07:33]** Just say no and hang up. **[01:07:37]** Fight back, as we said, stand up for yourself if you're not sure, **[01:07:44]** call the bank yourself, go to the branch yourself. **[01:07:49]** I think especially now we should have these conversations with parents, **[01:07:54]** who are, say, the older generation, not always prepared for what's happening around them. **[01:08:04]** The rule is, if I don't want to read about it in the news or see it on a billboard, **[01:08:13]** then I simply don't put it out into the virtual world. **[01:08:17]** I'm really surprised how many people share not only photos, intimate photos and so on, **[01:08:25]** but how many people write somewhere in confidence the three-digit code on their credit card, **[01:08:33]** which really should stay only with them. **[01:08:36]** That means realizing what I really shouldn't share, **[01:08:42]** or knowing that the person on the other side is who I think I'm talking to. **[01:08:47]** That means I call the bank, not that the bank is so kind and calls me, **[01:08:52]** because I just can't verify it myself. **[01:08:55]** You know, like behind the profile of that fourteen-year-old girl, **[01:09:01]** who wants to be friends with my daughter, has a nice profile picture. **[01:09:06]** She's really not a fourteen-year-old girl, or maybe she is, but let's assume **[01:09:11]** she's not. So again, take your security into your own hands, educate yourself **[01:09:19]** and take responsibility for it. **[01:09:22]** I was surprised how many people played along, **[01:09:27]** creating Barbie or Ken profiles. **[01:09:31]** From cybersecurity experts' perspective, they clicked consent to all sorts of things. **[01:09:39]** The same goes for the hoaxes that keep circulating, **[01:09:43]** like writing on Facebook that I don't give Facebook consent, etc. **[01:09:51]** Of course, you can't just get out of it that easily. **[01:09:57]** And again, the responsibility is on me. **[01:10:00]** Thank you. **[01:10:01]** And sorry, one last thing, very important, that's why I talked about secondary victimization, **[01:10:07]** when people click on something, it happens, it happened once to my husband, and he's really an IT expert, **[01:10:17]** we were expecting a package, he clicked something and it just wasn't the right package. **[01:10:23]** People shouldn't be ashamed to talk about it, they should start investigating as soon as possible. **[01:10:30]** Then there's that guilt, like I messed up, so I'll try to cover it up, and again. **[01:10:39]** These scams are done by those scoundrels who do it. **[01:10:44]** This topic of scams and fraud will, in my opinion, grow stronger. **[01:10:55]** We are already collecting topics for 2024, and this will be one of them. **[01:11:02]** We're talking about a situation where someone close to you actually calls and with their voice says, send me money. **[01:11:12]** This will simply happen. **[01:11:14]** And a simple piece of advice from the experts I talk to and prepare the lecture with is, **[01:11:22]** that you will have a keyword, just a hidden word, that you will say, this person is really the one. **[01:11:28]** Maybe it seems scary to us now, but it will happen and it will happen more and more often. **[01:11:34]** So it's a topic that will grow stronger. **[01:11:39]** I might pick up here where Ota left off, who asks, **[01:11:42]** I missed connections to a coarsening society in the lecture. Why? **[01:11:48]** Now I'm actually surprised, because I think, **[01:11:51]** all along I tried to provide tools on how to recognize, understand, and de-escalate what is overwhelming us, threatening us, **[01:11:58]** how to make sense of it and how to de-escalate it. **[01:12:03]** So I'm really sorry about that. **[01:12:06]** The coarsening society, for me, is something I can't influence. **[01:12:11]** It's the same as when I asked you how you made your day better, **[01:12:16]** and what I saw, and I'm really glad I read it, **[01:12:20]** were things I could do myself. **[01:12:23]** I can't make my day better just by seeing the sunshine, **[01:12:30]** or it might be pleasant for me, but it's absolutely out of my control. **[01:12:34]** The fact that aggression is increasing, whether due to COVID, **[01:12:41]** the war in Ukraine, the war in Israel, the economic crisis, that's reality. **[01:12:47]** And that's why the statistics are rising. **[01:12:50]** At the same time, we see objectively that as humanity, **[01:12:55]** as Western society, we've never really had it better. **[01:12:59]** We're more set up for hard times than for better ones. **[01:13:04]** But somehow we handle it poorly. **[01:13:07]** We see a high level of harm among young people, **[01:13:11]** we see a high risk of suicide in Western society, **[01:13:18]** and we see a risk of violent crimes. **[01:13:22]** And for me, the two things we can do are to know where the risk threatens us, **[01:13:28]** know how to prevent it in the first place, **[01:13:32]** how to communicate our needs. **[01:13:35]** When I communicate my needs, **[01:13:37]** I'm unlikely to become a target of bullying, **[01:13:41]** a target of domestic violence, **[01:13:44]** because I won't let it get that far, **[01:13:47]** nor a target of mobbing or bossing at work. **[01:13:51]** And also to know when it's worth de-escalating, **[01:13:56]** when it's worth letting it go, **[01:13:58]** when it's worth prioritizing safety at that moment, **[01:14:03]** whether on a communication level or a nonverbal level, **[01:14:09]** because going into conflict at that moment would lead nowhere. **[01:14:14]** And then maybe address it systemically. **[01:14:17]** So here are probably back the five principles for everyday life **[01:14:22]** and hopefully it's clearer now. **[01:14:24]** Maybe I would, and it's great that you brought it up like this, **[01:14:28]** because when Linda and I designed the breakfast, **[01:14:32]** the intro, every third woman, every fourth child, **[01:14:36]** every fifth boy, etc., is in itself, I think, an introduction to the fact **[01:14:40]** that this isn't something simple and straightforward for us here. **[01:14:46]** And we could show some footage here, maybe news, **[01:14:51]** or something, we could look at any media feed **[01:14:55]** and you'd see one thing after another. **[01:14:58]** So we wanted to make the breakfast more positive, **[01:15:01]** focusing on how to work with it, rather than proving **[01:15:04]** that it really is like that. But if someone lives in a bubble **[01:15:08]** where it doesn't happen, well, that's a great start. **[01:15:10]** That's actually a good start. **[01:15:12]** And then I say, it either doesn't happen, or we just don't know about it. **[01:15:16]** Because when we have discussions in our surroundings, **[01:15:20]** the statistics don't lie. **[01:15:23]** Especially regarding women in domestic violence, **[01:15:27]** or seniors who are victims of violence, **[01:15:31]** it's not something anyone wants to boast about. **[01:15:35]** Linda. Petr Melichar asks. **[01:15:38]** Hello, Linda. Unknown attacker versus known environment. **[01:15:41]** 15% versus 85%. What sources do these statistics come from, please? **[01:15:47]** It's about women, and these are Scandinavian statistics, **[01:15:51]** I can look them up for you, there it was 90-10. **[01:15:55]** Here we actually have concentrated statistics, **[01:15:58]** statistics under the spotlight, in justicia statistics, **[01:16:02]** and this is how it is. **[01:16:06]** Is it possible that when someone freezes, **[01:16:10]** unable to scream, what then? **[01:16:14]** I already said that freezing is a common thing. **[01:16:18]** It's actually an evolutionary stress response, and don't blame yourself, **[01:16:22]** I don't blame myself either, **[01:16:26]** because thanks to that, we survived. **[01:16:30]** When we were in the savanna, saber-toothed tigers were running around, **[01:16:34]** I calmly stood still, **[01:16:38]** and the neighbor moved, so the neighbor became the snack, **[01:16:42]** and my calm genes were passed down to me. **[01:16:46]** Back to today. A car is rushing towards me, **[01:16:50]** probably better to step back **[01:16:54]** or actually not to cross further, but to say to yourself **[01:16:58]** based on the logo, it's a Citroën **[01:17:02]** or a Peugeot, two lights are approaching, **[01:17:06]** guessing the speed, well in the city it's **[01:17:10]** 20 km/h, which means braking distance. **[01:17:14]** If we evaluated it like this with the rational brain, **[01:17:18]** we wouldn't be here anymore. So basically accept it, **[01:17:22]** the reaction, but then maybe for me learn to shout, **[01:17:26]** learn the words enough, stop, know **[01:17:30]** how to position your hands there. **[01:17:34]** That means having this as a learned thing **[01:17:38]** that basically resets me. And for me, shouting helps a lot. **[01:17:42]** I shout all the time when I'm surprised. **[01:17:46]** I find it interesting, now that we're talking about it, **[01:17:50]** at our school our kids **[01:17:54]** come with the word unpleasant. It's unpleasant. **[01:17:58]** And I like the gesture. That's great. **[01:18:02]** They actually have boundaries there and the kids at school are taught to set those boundaries. **[01:18:06]** So it's not about, and maybe compared to me, **[01:18:10]** when we had it, I was already here when you shared in Ostrava at Fifejdy, **[01:18:14]** it wasn't exactly, how to say, a friendly environment when someone said **[01:18:18]** unpleasant, that something happened. But we weren't the guys **[01:18:22]** to retaliate or something, but just to de-escalate the situation. **[01:18:26]** And this is one of the things that helps a lot. I just want to say **[01:18:30]** that we're not really about learning to set boundaries in some way. **[01:18:34]** We're more about learning, you let it happen, **[01:18:38]** why didn't you defend yourself, this and that. And like, when **[01:18:42]** I take it from a man's perspective, when I go with my family and someone **[01:18:46]** might seem to threaten her in some way, **[01:18:50]** there's always someone inside me saying, but you failed, **[01:18:54]** because you're not a real man, you can't take care of the family, **[01:18:58]** and maybe just get that out of your head simply. Take your legs and run, **[01:19:02]** lower your face, gather the kids, cross to the other side of the street, etc. **[01:19:06]** So you basically summed up the principle shout, **[01:19:10]** which means assert yourself with your voice, and the principle run, which of course is much **[01:19:14]** more effective, that's why fight comes fourth. It's our natural reaction **[01:19:18]** to show him, intimidate him, but exactly at the moment **[01:19:22]** when I have my kids behind me and this, what is more important to me is justice, **[01:19:26]** it's safety. Regarding the school, I'm very glad **[01:19:30]** that kids are taught this way, not everywhere, because it's again **[01:19:34]** Back to the idea that we are responsible for our own safety. **[01:19:38]** We have largely delegated it to some institutions, **[01:19:42]** or if something happens to children, we go tell the teacher. **[01:19:46]** I think the first reaction is exactly that: I feel uncomfortable, **[01:19:50]** go play somewhere else, go play with something else, **[01:19:54]** my response, even with some kind of defense, **[01:19:58]** and there are already kindergartens and schools that teach this. **[01:20:00]** It's basically strengthening our first boundaries, because if I run to the teacher with everything **[01:20:08]** and don't even tell the person involved, well, sometimes the teacher might not be there, **[01:20:15]** or the first one to get there might have their own version, and so on. **[01:20:20]** The teacher then says, 'You just run and tell it,' and so on. **[01:20:24]** So we're back to normal human communication. Thanks for that. **[01:20:29]** There are more questions about schools and children, so I'll try to address that. **[01:20:33]** Hello, Linda, how to work with a six-year-old child who faces threats at school, **[01:20:38]** like 'If you don't do this, I'll strangle you,' the father wants to teach him to fight, but I don't want that. **[01:20:43]** More questions here, about the appropriate age to bring your child to your course. **[01:20:48]** There are comments that it would be amazing if people or children learned this in schools, and so on. **[01:20:54]** Let's try to stay on this topic a bit. **[01:20:56]** As I said, we have research from abroad showing it really helps, **[01:21:04]** that it is both bullying prevention and also improves the climate. **[01:21:10]** Teachers say they are not afraid to open up tougher topics with children, **[01:21:17]** they know how to listen without telling them, **[01:21:21]** 'Hey, you shouldn't have gone there at all,' because maybe they shouldn't have, **[01:21:25]** but at the moment they share it, it doesn't help. **[01:21:28]** I have a meeting on December 1st with the government commissioner for human rights, **[01:21:35]** where we will discuss this, so keep your fingers crossed, I really want to get this into schools. **[01:21:43]** We said age 8 because we need **[01:21:51]** a bit more abstract understanding sometimes. **[01:21:56]** On the other hand, regarding the six-year-old child, I feel very sorry, **[01:22:02]** we can try it exactly in the course, mother-child, father-child. **[01:22:12]** It happens, aggression from the origin transfers to the children, **[01:22:19]** it's really terrible, but again, what I can imagine, **[01:22:26]** is teaching some verbal techniques, like setting boundaries, **[01:22:32]** deciding whom to ask for help, how to make friends. **[01:22:38]** Very often, those who are targets of bullying, **[01:22:46]** or aggression, are not the strongest individuals, **[01:22:53]** not those surrounded by friends, with confident posture. **[01:22:57]** A predator always picks someone who is a bit on the edge. **[01:23:03]** For example, Randy King, a Canadian self-defense expert, **[01:23:07]** says that two things are important for self-defense, **[01:23:11]** good relationships and being able to communicate. **[01:23:14]** Here we are at those five friends, at the network I have, **[01:23:18]** so I would actually work not only on the fact that **[01:23:22]** what is said there is absolutely unacceptable, **[01:23:26]** where to find help, but also where to make friends in that group, **[01:23:32]** when the teacher won't be there at the moment. **[01:23:36]** And I would definitely say that if you wanted this, **[01:23:40]** or wanted to discuss it a bit more in depth, **[01:23:44]** you can definitely reach out somewhere privately. **[01:23:46]** There are many possible contacts we can provide you with, **[01:23:49]** so this can be addressed. **[01:23:51]** I have one question here. **[01:23:55]** Hello, what to do in a case **[01:23:58]** where the victim provokes the aggressor, for example with psychological pressure? **[01:24:03]** This is not about sexual provocation. **[01:24:06]** Thank you for mentioning this. **[01:24:09]** Provocation is often like this, **[01:24:14]** that she went there and wore tight clothes, **[01:24:19]** so she kind of asked for it. **[01:24:22]** If you were at the consent exhibition, **[01:24:25]** about what they wore when they were raped, **[01:24:28]** and it was both women and men, **[01:24:31]** you really didn't see lace underwear, **[01:24:35]** or a nice nightgown with intimissimi. **[01:24:39]** This violence is about aggression, about dominance. **[01:24:44]** It's not about attraction. **[01:24:47]** And now we have that this is not sexual provocation. **[01:24:50]** I will add to that very often, **[01:24:53]** for example, I see someone, make eye contact, **[01:24:57]** and maybe decide to go another way. **[01:25:00]** And here comes the question. **[01:25:03]** By making eye contact, I provoke him. **[01:25:06]** No research confirms **[01:25:09]** that making eye contact **[01:25:12]** makes him think, she’s looking at me, so now it’s on. **[01:25:15]** Actually, the person was already decided **[01:25:19]** to do it before and was looking for a suitable excuse. **[01:25:23]** I would strongly distinguish cause and effect here. **[01:25:26]** I don’t have enough information, so contact me, **[01:25:29]** because here it actually sounds **[01:25:34]** On one hand, for me, it's secondary victimization, **[01:25:37]** some kind of manipulation and also psychological violence. **[01:25:41]** The thing is, I would say that the moment **[01:25:44]** there is some psychological pressure, **[01:25:47]** that itself is already a manifestation of violence and aggression. **[01:25:50]** So it is then, again, really very difficult, **[01:25:53]** it's always a matter of specific cases that need to be addressed individually. **[01:25:57]** I'll ask here, **[01:26:01]** how to best respond to written aggressive insults or labels. **[01:26:05]** We probably get back into the world of social media. **[01:26:11]** It depends. Do I know the person, or not? **[01:26:14]** Can I block them? Is there something factual? **[01:26:17]** Is there any other threat? Is it stalking? **[01:26:21]** I definitely recommend blocking, blocking, blocking. **[01:26:25]** That's the first rule, the rule is to run away. **[01:26:28]** Next, actually find out **[01:26:32]** if it's even appropriate to have a conversation with that person. **[01:26:36]** Sometimes, when I follow some threads on social media for study reasons, **[01:26:40]** I wonder why people do that. **[01:26:44]** Do we really think there is a factual conversation going on there? **[01:26:47]** Thank you for nodding. **[01:26:52]** It's about where I put my energy. **[01:26:56]** There are already penalties for stalking and so on. **[01:27:00]** That means I will report it. **[01:27:04]** Is there someone who could help me with that? **[01:27:08]** It's at the beginning and it's not always easy. **[01:27:12]** I would end it here for today. **[01:27:16]** So, Linda, thank you very much for your talk. Thanks a lot. **[01:27:20]** Thank you. **[01:27:28]** Please, we would be very happy if you give us feedback, **[01:27:34]** how you liked today's breakfast, **[01:27:38]** and if you add one word **[01:27:42]** that somehow evoked or came to mind **[01:27:46]** when Linda talked about this topic. **[01:27:50]** We would really appreciate it. **[01:27:54]** I'll skip ahead right away. **[01:27:58]** Please, don't keep these things to yourself. **[01:28:02]** Try to talk about it with your loved ones, with your colleagues. **[01:28:06]** Try to discuss these things in a wider circle. **[01:28:10]** Reflecting on this topic, even if it's new to you, is actually very good. **[01:28:14]** Please do it too. You can of course write it to us, **[01:28:18]** even if you're watching us through Red Button Edu, down below the broadcast. **[01:28:22]** And that's the share principle, one of the five principles of self-defense. **[01:28:26]** Exactly. We will keep sharing **[01:28:30]** as a nice tradition, **[01:28:34]** by following up with something called Brain and Breakfast Digestive. **[01:28:38]** That means if you'd like to discuss the topic more deeply, **[01:28:42]** together with other guests and of course Linda, **[01:28:46]** join us through Red Button Edu on December 5th at 10 AM. **[01:28:50]** We can discuss it further, **[01:28:54]** we'll see what else opens up for us by then, **[01:28:58]** what settles with us and what we might want to **[01:29:02]** discuss further. So December 5th from 10 AM. **[01:29:06]** Red Button has a whole range of projects, **[01:29:10]** one of them is the Book of the Month. October was recommended by **[01:29:14]** Lukáš Hána, who processes critical thinking, with The End of Self-Deception. **[01:29:18]** November had a fantastic recommendation from Josef Hole, **[01:29:22]** maybe you know Pepa Hole from channels in the network, **[01:29:26]** he was here and recommended a book about Elon Musk. **[01:29:30]** Definitely don't miss that recommendation at www.rbkniha.cz, **[01:29:34]** highly recommended. Keep following us, **[01:29:38]** there's really a lot, or subscribe to our newsletter. **[01:29:42]** And the December breakfast is always **[01:29:46]** a special one. We want to touch on **[01:29:50]** a topic so that we leave a bit, I don't want to say, **[01:29:54]** that today wasn't like this, but Martin Podjacik **[01:29:58]** will be the next guest. **[01:30:00]** He focuses a lot on critical thinking and also on global security, **[01:30:07]** helping Ukraine, etc. But the topic we'll address **[01:30:12]** is how to find ways to each other, how not to burn bridges. **[01:30:17]** It's exactly that Christmas topic when we sit together at our Christmas tables **[01:30:23]** and want to talk, and it's very easy to suddenly escalate **[01:30:29]** a conflict, to touch on topics we can't solve together. **[01:30:33]** That's exactly what the December 14th breakfast with Martin will be about. **[01:30:39]** I'm really looking forward to seeing you. Linda, thanks again for your talk. **[01:30:43]** Thank you all for coming, thank you for watching us. Enjoy the rest of your day, **[01:30:48]** take care, thanks, goodbye and hi. **[01:30:50]** Safe days. Bye. **[01:30:59]** www.arkance-systems.cz